Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize