I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
