You made me cry and you don't even care
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
