So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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