Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize