it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
then he tried to convert me to islam
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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