We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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