every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
