I'm sorry my penis didn't work
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
