I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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