Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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