I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize