Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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