He kissed a someone with a penis
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
