Got a toothbrush?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
