Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize