If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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