wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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