Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
