Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize