drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
