You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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