So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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