Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
