We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
