just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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