I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
