Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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