I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
