I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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