ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
