I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
