Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
