If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
