We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
