Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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