I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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