do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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