i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
