I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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