I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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