I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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