Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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