listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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