she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
