Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
