Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
