My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
