Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
