No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
