There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
