Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
