either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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