Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
