So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
