Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
