Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
