Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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