those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
