i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
