Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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