whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
