i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
