they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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