There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
