Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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