I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
