The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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