I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
