Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Couch. On fire.
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