no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
