I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
