There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
