I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
