i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
