So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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