She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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