I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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