I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
