I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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